๐ ๐๐ฒ๐ฉ๐๐ฌ ๐๐ ๐๐ข๐ง๐ ๐๐ฉ๐จ๐ซ๐๐๐ง ๐๐ซ๐ข๐ฏ๐๐ซ๐ฌ ๐๐จ๐ฎ ๐๐๐๐ญ ๐๐๐ข๐ฅ๐ฒ
Singapore has thousands of PHV and taxi drivers. Yet somehow, every ride feels like you've met the same five people repeatedly for the past ten years.
Here are the five driver-bros we love:
๐. ๐๐ก๐ ๐๐๐จ๐ง๐จ๐ฆ๐ข๐ฌ๐ญ
You enter the car.
Before you've even buckled your seatbelt, he has already explained why COE prices are too high, TFR is too low, GST should have been implemented differently, and why the United States is secretly causing inflation.
You nod politely.
Every government building you pass triggers another opinion on public policy.
You know what heโs going to say when you drive past an ERP.
Catchphrase: โYou know why the gahmen is called Pay-And-Pay?โ
๐. ๐๐ก๐ ๐๐ข๐ฅ๐๐ง๐ญ ๐๐ฌ๐ฌ๐๐ฌ๐ฌ๐ข๐ง
This driver says absolutely nothing.
Not "hello."
Not "good morning."
Not even "have arrived."
The only indication that he is alive is the occasional turn signal.
The ride is conducted in complete silence.
You spend 27 minutes wondering whether you should start a conversation.
At the destination, he suddenly says:
โOpen the door be careful.โ
And vanishes from your life forever.
Catchphrase: "..."
๐. ๐๐ก๐ ๐๐ข๐๐ ๐๐จ๐๐๐ก
You mention you're tired.
This was a mistake.
The next 40 minutes become an intensive personal development seminar.
He explains how he was once bankrupt, sold insurance, became a property agent, started a durian business, lost everything, discovered cryptocurrency, lost everything again, and is now stronger than ever.
By the end of the ride, you're questioning your career choices and considering launching a startup.
Catchphrase: "Bro, mindset."
๐. ๐๐ก๐ ๐๐ฎ๐ฆ๐๐ง ๐๐จ๐๐๐๐ฌ๐ญ
The car is playing something.
It is always something.
A motivational speaker.
A Chinese Reels movie.
A conspiracy theory.
A Facebook live stream.
A sermon.
A WhatsApp voice note that appears to be six hours long.
The volume is set precisely loud enough that you cannot ignore it, but not loud enough to understand any of it.
Catchphrase: โHa ha ha ha ha.โ
๐. ๐๐ก๐ ๐๐ง๐ญ๐๐ฅ๐ฅ๐ข๐ ๐๐ง๐๐ ๐๐ฉ๐๐ซ๐๐ญ๐ข๐ฏ๐
This driver somehow knows everything.
Your workplace.
Your industry.
The history of your neighbourhood.
The exact restaurant that used to occupy the building beside your office in 1997.
He has opinions on your company despite never having worked there.
He knows which minister attended which school.
He knows where every politician lives.
He knows who is getting divorced.
He knows why the traffic is bad.
Most alarmingly, he is usually correct.
Legend has it the Internal Security Department books rides with him to stay informed.
Catchphrase: "Actually ah..."
๐๐จ๐ง๐จ๐ฎ๐ซ๐๐๐ฅ๐ ๐๐๐ง๐ญ๐ข๐จ๐ง: ๐๐ก๐ ๐ ๐จ๐ซ๐ฆ๐ฎ๐ฅ๐ ๐๐ง๐ ๐๐ซ๐ข๐ฏ๐๐ซ
Estimated arrival time: 23 minutes.
Actual arrival time: 11 minutes.
You arrive at your destination knuckles turning white clutching to the seatbelt.
When you thank him, he replies:
"Still can go faster."
Researchers confirm that Singaporean passengers simultaneously fear and admire this individual.